Many of us grow up with models of struggle. Maybe your parents struggled financially. Maybe your grandparents were immigrants who struggled to find their identity in an overwhelming country. Maybe somebody in your family struggled through a health crisis. Maybe everyone around you was mostly fine but they struggled to find balance or happiness.
Consider this the next time you wonder why you haven't "made it" yet. Or why you aren't going after what you really want. Or why you have no idea what you want in the first place.
We all engage in self-sabotage. It can take the form of doubt, confusion, procrastination, self-induced overwhelm, resignation. There are oh so many reasons for this but I think one of the biggest is that we don't have enough models of success.
Sometimes it's really hard for me to picture what "success" even looks like. Does it mean a lot of money? Does it mean the freedom to do what I want, when I want? Does it mean deep, beautiful, powerful relationships? Is it some combination of all of this? Something else entirely?
I know, though, that it isn't something I can easily scan my upbringing to find. So it has to be my own definition. AND I have to believe it is possible more than anything else or I won't be able to come anywhere close to it.
My new practice is reviewing my personal definitions of success, freedom, fulfilling relationships, etc. It keeps me on track and it reminds me that I get to choose, in every single moment, if I'll move closer to that or farther away. I have to say, it can be as terrifying as it is liberating but so far, so good. (I must say, though, that this would probably be impossible without processing the negative emotions that come up. As you might remember from the last newsletter, that is essential.)
May you be grateful for your models of struggle while finding (or creating) your models of success.
Sally A. Mercedes is a sacred artist, teacher, and healer. She helps you express yourself fully and authentically, reconnect with your voice, live your truth, and share your story. Her writing covers feminism, politics, news, entertainment, and more, and her singing has an even bigger range.