Let's Talk Desire
(and asking: Do you know what you want?)
I've spent a lot of energy in my life NOT going after what I wanted, no matter how big or small. This energy was expended in various ways: not believing I could do the thing I wanted to do, not dreaming big enough, convincing myself I didn't actually want that thing in the first place, refusing to ask myself what I wanted, self-sabotaging, etc.
I know now I'm not alone in this but that doesn't really make it any better, does it?
Last week, I soaked in the energy and encouragement of over a hundred women who all had stories similar to mine. In our time together, we committed to saying yes to living our desired lives. One of the most powerful things we did was share with each other some of what we wanted.
I'm not going to lie, it was scary.
And I'm scared right now because I know that what I most want to do is share some of my desires with you. Some of you have known me for years, some are clients, some I've never met but know intimate details of my life, some don't know me from a hole in the wall and are interacting with me for the first time (hi! welcome!). I'm not sure which group feels scarier to share this with, but I'm doing it anyway.
In no particular order, a small list of things I want/desire:
To learn how to play the guitar and re-learn piano
To make music and performing part of my regular life
To express gratitude every day
To find joy and beauty in every moment
To be a published author and write a bestseller
To express myself fully and authentically
To have a loving, healthy relationship and be a mother
To fill my writers' retreat in Paris
To fully enjoy my writers' retreat in Paris even if I'm the only one who goes
To build a tiny house and let writers, artists, and other creative professionals use it for free
To fund creative projects
To open a creativity center (or several) where people can learn, perform, practice/rehearse, write, etc. for free or at low cost
To say yes to myself more
My list is long now and I keep adding to it. I'm getting more comfortable feeling into what I want at any given moment by considering how much closer it gets me to my desired life.
Which brings me to my last point: Do you know what you want? What you really want, deep down inside - not just things like, "I want to win the lottery" or "I want a new apartment." There isn't anything wrong with those things but so many of us stop ourselves from even expressing what we really, truly want. Perhaps it's out of fear that you won't get it or embarrassment because it's something you don't think you're "supposed to" want or some other reason, but I can tell you with confidence that there's no way you can get what you want if you don't even know what it is.
So I leave you with homework: take a moment today to feel into what you really want, write it down, and then add to the list throughout the week as more comes to you.
May you get everything you want and then some!